Today it's gonna be random entry. Nothing about outing, any remark whatsoever. People always said to me, persons own a blog because they love to blog, love to write etc. Well, I'm not actually like that. It's just some kind of method for me in expressing the thing i like and sure, it's not gonna be everyday. Hey, im not a newspaper ok, got various thing to talk about. But from that answer, it just give me strength to write a lil bit today. Hehe.. wait and see whether it is really "lil bit" or not.
Since my life nowadays it's like "katak bawah tempurung", you know, live my life by my own, without my besties, in my own safety zone. Nobody disturb me and all.. i'm having a lots of activity consist of thinking about life. Thinking and thinking..So let me list down some of things..
1. Sometimes i wonder do my friend mad at me?? well, for whatever reason may exist.. For them who is expressing it, then for sure i know that he or she is mad at me. Therefore, i'll make my effort in handling it. discuss bout it. But, how about for the silent one?? how do i know bout it?? by the way he or she keep on avoiding me?? like that??
2. Do people gonna think that i am unsociallable, uninteresting person?
well, for unsociallable. i do admit it.. i cant outing or having fun with person that im not really know them. i do remember a line from a movie that i had seen. it say that "when you already say hi to a person 3 times that mean you are already a friend" For people who is TOTALLY peramah, maybe they can be friends straightaway. But, i need much more than that like sharing same hobbies? having same thought etc?? a lot more process involved.. maybe that's why i always friend only within my group. When i talk about group, yes it is A group.. ever since high school life i'm always in a group. that mean that is the people who know me, understand me and i can share anything with them and they can also do the same to me..
uninteresting.. Yes, i do admit it. but i try to be someone who they can have fun with. I remember those years back when i'm always say no to my friend when they ask me to have fun like watching movie and etc.. I've always manage to escape with various reason. Even now when i myself do love get out from this nest, i still say no them. but with some other kind of reason. If in the past it is because i myself don't want it, but now, thousand reason exist also like, no money? this kind of thought always playing around my head. i wanna got out ! i wanna go out! wanna have fun with my friend! but STOP IT!! stop daydream, stop wasting your money..Not your money, your dad money. i'm not a chaebol daughter. my dad just a govt servant. earn a month below 5thou in with today's economy. and my mom is a housewife. if i keep getting out, how do i maintain my life without enough money. after all, having my dad giving me such big amount allowance for every month it's all because of my own fault. i got low pointer, extend in my study, and sponsorship had expired. Back home my family having stressful life not having enough money to feed each other and how come i can get fun by myself here? its unfair right?? just thinking about it, it really make me seriously sad that i promise myself that i'll pay back every cent that they had spent to me. not just that, include also the interest to that. so much sacrifice they had made and here i am live in blissful life. therefore, to be fair with my family, i reject the offer to join the plan. and again, with various reason. How can i explain to them that my life is like this. keep it within my heart it's enough.
3. i remember there was an application in facebook how many people had reject/delete from being friend. i got loads of them, from that, i know haaa... people don't like me huh??.. i'm so sorry for not being perfect enough to be your friend ..
4. i have 1 year ahead to think about my job. what should i do? in what corner should i focus?? got no answer to that question till now. having life without aim is stressful. friends and lecturers always advice me to do something that you are capable of, expert of. yes, that's true.. but what is my expertise?? again, silent...
5. today in kosmo, i noticed a column with a title " Banyak Wanita Berpendidikan Tinggi Lewat Kahwin" data menunjukkan bilangan wanita yang berumur 25-29 belum berkahwin meningkat.. seriously, big laugh came out from my mouth and i stop, thinking that next year i'll be 25 and officially i'll be included in statistic as well.. this is the thing that can't be settle easily.
oo.. i better stop here. my clock already show 12am. gotta off to sleep for class tomorrow.
in dilemma,
<Kwon Fifi>
Since my life nowadays it's like "katak bawah tempurung", you know, live my life by my own, without my besties, in my own safety zone. Nobody disturb me and all.. i'm having a lots of activity consist of thinking about life. Thinking and thinking..So let me list down some of things..
1. Sometimes i wonder do my friend mad at me?? well, for whatever reason may exist.. For them who is expressing it, then for sure i know that he or she is mad at me. Therefore, i'll make my effort in handling it. discuss bout it. But, how about for the silent one?? how do i know bout it?? by the way he or she keep on avoiding me?? like that??
2. Do people gonna think that i am unsociallable, uninteresting person?
well, for unsociallable. i do admit it.. i cant outing or having fun with person that im not really know them. i do remember a line from a movie that i had seen. it say that "when you already say hi to a person 3 times that mean you are already a friend" For people who is TOTALLY peramah, maybe they can be friends straightaway. But, i need much more than that like sharing same hobbies? having same thought etc?? a lot more process involved.. maybe that's why i always friend only within my group. When i talk about group, yes it is A group.. ever since high school life i'm always in a group. that mean that is the people who know me, understand me and i can share anything with them and they can also do the same to me..
uninteresting.. Yes, i do admit it. but i try to be someone who they can have fun with. I remember those years back when i'm always say no to my friend when they ask me to have fun like watching movie and etc.. I've always manage to escape with various reason. Even now when i myself do love get out from this nest, i still say no them. but with some other kind of reason. If in the past it is because i myself don't want it, but now, thousand reason exist also like, no money? this kind of thought always playing around my head. i wanna got out ! i wanna go out! wanna have fun with my friend! but STOP IT!! stop daydream, stop wasting your money..Not your money, your dad money. i'm not a chaebol daughter. my dad just a govt servant. earn a month below 5thou in with today's economy. and my mom is a housewife. if i keep getting out, how do i maintain my life without enough money. after all, having my dad giving me such big amount allowance for every month it's all because of my own fault. i got low pointer, extend in my study, and sponsorship had expired. Back home my family having stressful life not having enough money to feed each other and how come i can get fun by myself here? its unfair right?? just thinking about it, it really make me seriously sad that i promise myself that i'll pay back every cent that they had spent to me. not just that, include also the interest to that. so much sacrifice they had made and here i am live in blissful life. therefore, to be fair with my family, i reject the offer to join the plan. and again, with various reason. How can i explain to them that my life is like this. keep it within my heart it's enough.
3. i remember there was an application in facebook how many people had reject/delete from being friend. i got loads of them, from that, i know haaa... people don't like me huh??.. i'm so sorry for not being perfect enough to be your friend ..
4. i have 1 year ahead to think about my job. what should i do? in what corner should i focus?? got no answer to that question till now. having life without aim is stressful. friends and lecturers always advice me to do something that you are capable of, expert of. yes, that's true.. but what is my expertise?? again, silent...
5. today in kosmo, i noticed a column with a title " Banyak Wanita Berpendidikan Tinggi Lewat Kahwin" data menunjukkan bilangan wanita yang berumur 25-29 belum berkahwin meningkat.. seriously, big laugh came out from my mouth and i stop, thinking that next year i'll be 25 and officially i'll be included in statistic as well.. this is the thing that can't be settle easily.
oo.. i better stop here. my clock already show 12am. gotta off to sleep for class tomorrow.
in dilemma,
<Kwon Fifi>
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